Board Certified Counselor, MFT 32370
1 Baldwin Ave. #311
San Mateo, CA 94401
WORK/LIFE BALANCE: Intimacy is the first casualty of success. You're working hard to give those you love what they want and need yet there's never enough time ... Maybe that's because intimacy is not a time management issue?
PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT: What person who wants to get ahead does not take courses, attend conferences, arrange meetings to exchange information? But how many people allocate time and money to determine their inner strengths? If you were asked right now: "What is your purpose in life?" could you answer it easily? If you can't, it may be that you're extremely busy and "successful" but way off course.
MANAGING CHANGE: When we have a philosophy of change, a set of guiding principles, things can go more smoothly. For example, some families eat meat and potatoes. End of story. Others like changing menus, and a diversity of friends who introduce new cuisine. That liking is a mental openness. It facilitates change. The metaphor applies across the board: adapting to new people, new professional ideas, other countries and cultures ...
SELF MANAGEMENT: Depression is the common cold of mental health, and its handmaidens are Anxiety and Addictions. Anger is its mask and tends to muddy clear communications. We do graduate work to learn how to manage our professions but few of us have studied, in depth, the strategies for managing ourselves.
PARENTING WELL: It usually starts at the beginning, where most things start. Whenever an athlete's performance is out of sync most coaches take them back to the basics: ground strokes, serve, forehand, backhand, body position. That's why there's a definite correlation between tots and teens: Garbage in, garbage out. Whether you are in the empty nest stage, coping with adult children who have returned home, or finding your way through the mother-in-law, father-in-law labyrinth, some coaching may be helpful.
ADULTERY HAPPENS: Some people continue to live together, without trust (they never rebuilt it). Others are out the door so fast their children's lives are nearly wrenched from them. Others turn a blind eye, as if not talking about it will make it go away. Some listen to all the adulterous "confessions," and "I'm sorrys" as if it could never happen again. So, what to do?
RELATIONSHIP TUNE UPS: We tune up the car, the copier, the computer. It's understood that things need professional, expert maintenance, that it costs time and money to keep our tools and toys in good operating condition. Making time to tune up your relationships, professional and personal, might be one of your best investments.
LOSS/GRIEF: Feelings of loss and grief bring up images of death, divorce, tragedy in many manifestations. The empty nest syndrome is associated with sadness, and yet it is a joyous occasion: The children went off to college. How about weddings? Why do mothers (and fathers) cry? The first baby is born. An occasion for loss/grief? It's right up there with the top family traumas. When you received that last promotion, you are now your best friend's boss. There is a definite loss of intimacy in the business relationship that may cause grieving.
FAMILIES ARE FOREVER: Everyone has one. Even if you're single you have a family of origin. All families have problems. Some people "deal" with them. Others solve them.
TRANSITIONS: They are part of the life cycle, personal and professional: Marriage, separation, divorce, relocation. Even after fifty, "the best is yet to be." Planning ahead for opportunities instead of crises is a matter of mindset.
RETIREMENT: We "know" about retirement from day one. So why is there an identity crisis for so many people who retire? How does it impact your spouse or partner? As one woman said: "I married him for better or for worse, but not for lunch!"
DIVORCE: Fifty percent of first marriages end in divorce. Sixty percent of second marriages end in divorce. Many divorces would not take place if there had been premarital counseling, good coaching before things get rough, and a therapeutic separation before filing divorce papers. It all goes back to the relationship tune up.
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